I am looking at the mirror. Right after my stroke, while at the hospital I didn’t want to look at the mirror at all, until I came home. And then I stole only quick peaks, on a need to know basis. Why? I didn’t know how to come to terms with my new look. You see, right half of my face is paralyzed. I cannot smile with my right half, on top I have a droop. So, when I smile or laugh, it is only a half smile, the other side just stays there, doing nothing. Of course that is very peculiar. I remember, only two months ago I was concerned my face getting wrinkles. Now I look at the mirror and think that now my face isn’t going to get any more wrinkles at all. When I reach my 70ies my face will look like a prune on one side, and like a baby on the other side, can you believe it? I smile at that thought with half of my face.
I am so lucky to be alive that I don’t dwell on that thought too much. Now my goal is to speak, period, everything else is just sidetracking.
Concentrate on how to produce the “sh” sound:
Sharp
Sharp knife
Use a sharp knife.
Ship
On the ship
I will not go on the ship.
Shy
Very shy
My niece is very shy.
Shoot
Shoot the picture
Aim the camera and shoot the picture.
I also have to work on my vowels. As I said multiple times I can easily see and try to reproduce the frontal sounds, but how the mouth cavity and tongue have to be positioned inside the mouth is still a mystery. I cannot differentiate between short vowels and long vowels. Let’s take “e” sound, it can be short as in “it”, or it can be long as in “each” or short as in “egg”. Now how do I position my tongue (half of it not working) inside my mouth to say that. My counselor Marie also has a hard time because she doesn’t know, whether it is my Turkish accent interfering, or whether it is my disability. Finally I bring in Mehmet, and Marie drills him on my exercises to differentiate between both. We decide that Turkish accent substitutes “w” with “v”, “th” with “d” but this is about it. I shall be able to produce every vowel. So I shall continue working than.
Eye odd it each
Ice on in ear
Ike ox ink eat
Ion obsess inch ease
Irate oblong ill eager
Ivy oxford imp either
Irony omelet ignore equalize
Ideology October imitation eagleeyed
Isolation observer ingredient eavesdropping
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
October 2, 2006
Today, I learned about Mike’s stroke experience. We were having a group session: Mike, Linda and me. Everyone was trying to tell their war stories. Mike’s was so funny I almost fell out of my chair laughing. This is how the story goes:
Although Mike is only 49, he has a 19 year old son. One beautiful spring day Mike, Mike Jr, and Mike’s father go golfing. They golf for three hours, they complete the 18 holes, they go to the parking lot and say good bye to each other. Just as Mike is waving bye to his son, he notices that he cannot lower his hand. The hand is stuck in a permanent waving motion, and he is saying good bye over and over again…
Thank god his son notices that something is not quite right with dad, and they bring him to the hospital.
I imagine Mike still stuck in the waving motion, as they carry him like statue into the ambulance, like they would in slapstick comedies. I have never heard of stroke leading to one not being able to stop doing something. What a funny way to go. Mike also laughs at this.
Of course, not everyone’s story is amusing. Some patients are bitter. Take Linda for example. She is an outstanding ob/gyn, or rather she was, before the stroke. She was always fit, busy, determined, on target, on time… One day while she is on the treadmill, running and then “Bamm!” it happens. The peculiar thing about us patients is that nobody among us is overweight, on the contrary, quite slim, relatively in good health… It seems that somebody has thrown us a curveball out of nowhere. About Linda, the most amazing thing is that after her stroke her friends shunned her. Let alone helping her, they gave her the cold shoulder. I wonder why this happened. What leads a person not to help another person in need. I simply cannot grasp this notion.
Ruth among us is the most colorful character. She is 84, as I said. But if you look at her from behind she looks 18; she has a ballet dancer’s posture; she moves easily and with grace. She is vivacious, ready to smile all the time. Ruth tells me she has three sons, all living in different parts of the country, she herself lives in a retirement community in Sarasota Florida. One of her sons flies to Michigan every weekend, not to leave their mom alone. Too bad she doesn’t live in our hotel, it would be fun to have her every day. She is so talkative, although of course she doesn’t understand much of what’s being said to her, and doesn’t know what is coming out of her mouth. But aren’t we all having tangential conversations most of the time.
Although Mike is only 49, he has a 19 year old son. One beautiful spring day Mike, Mike Jr, and Mike’s father go golfing. They golf for three hours, they complete the 18 holes, they go to the parking lot and say good bye to each other. Just as Mike is waving bye to his son, he notices that he cannot lower his hand. The hand is stuck in a permanent waving motion, and he is saying good bye over and over again…
Thank god his son notices that something is not quite right with dad, and they bring him to the hospital.
I imagine Mike still stuck in the waving motion, as they carry him like statue into the ambulance, like they would in slapstick comedies. I have never heard of stroke leading to one not being able to stop doing something. What a funny way to go. Mike also laughs at this.
Of course, not everyone’s story is amusing. Some patients are bitter. Take Linda for example. She is an outstanding ob/gyn, or rather she was, before the stroke. She was always fit, busy, determined, on target, on time… One day while she is on the treadmill, running and then “Bamm!” it happens. The peculiar thing about us patients is that nobody among us is overweight, on the contrary, quite slim, relatively in good health… It seems that somebody has thrown us a curveball out of nowhere. About Linda, the most amazing thing is that after her stroke her friends shunned her. Let alone helping her, they gave her the cold shoulder. I wonder why this happened. What leads a person not to help another person in need. I simply cannot grasp this notion.
Ruth among us is the most colorful character. She is 84, as I said. But if you look at her from behind she looks 18; she has a ballet dancer’s posture; she moves easily and with grace. She is vivacious, ready to smile all the time. Ruth tells me she has three sons, all living in different parts of the country, she herself lives in a retirement community in Sarasota Florida. One of her sons flies to Michigan every weekend, not to leave their mom alone. Too bad she doesn’t live in our hotel, it would be fun to have her every day. She is so talkative, although of course she doesn’t understand much of what’s being said to her, and doesn’t know what is coming out of her mouth. But aren’t we all having tangential conversations most of the time.
End of September end of 1st week at UMAP, 2006
I keep working, doing the exercises they give, and do some more on top. So far I didn’t notice any difference in my speech. My tutors say that you begin to see a difference towards week three or four. The classes are held in each speech therapists own office. Some of them don’t have any permanent offices then we go to a room, some of the rooms are so tiny that you can only fit in one desk and two chairs, and nothing else. I have also discovered two day rooms where you can go between the classes and take a nap. The day rooms are very funny: There is a bed, quite plush, with cushy pillows, a quilt, and several afgans as cover. Plus there is an easy chair, a night stand with a cozy lamp on top. The whole atmosphere is set like a bed and breakfast rather than a school or a clinic room. I find it very soothing, familiar.
On the home front all is well. Kaan is having such a good time. The Hands On museum was such a success. Now for three days in a row, Kaan and mom have been going there. After they have their breakfast, Mehmet leaves them at museum’s door, and three to four hours later he picks them up.
The museum is a stand alone building at the very heart of Ann Arbor. Completely devoted to children, It won awards for best Local Museum and Best Place for Kids under 12; has more than 250 interactive exhibits with subjects ranging from physics to health to nature to mathematics and beyond. The museum is constructed in such a fashion so it can provide an informal environment for children to roam freely and get their “Hands On” everything. Among many exhibits are: whisper dishes, tornado, Building in a Building exhibit. Facts about the human body, full-size ambulance, X-rays, a preschool area for children 4 years old and younger where Kaan can splash in water tables, dress up like fire fighter and play on the child-size fire engine. There is a section about experiment with simple machines, how traffic lights and the Internet work. There is a section about light and optics by playing the stringless Laser Harp or catching your shadow on the wall. The science of television, telecommunications and the concepts behind cutting edge technology. I can easily see why Kaan gets so exited.
.
I guess Kaan is learning much more here than he would learn at pre-school. Of course mom is trying to keep up with him running from experiment to experiment, the energy level of a three year old and a 70 year old don’t match and she is exhausted after three hours like any adult would. Good thing that we live in a hotel where everything is done for us, so that mom can focus on taking care of Kaan, Mehmet can focus on his work, and I can focus on my work.
On the home front all is well. Kaan is having such a good time. The Hands On museum was such a success. Now for three days in a row, Kaan and mom have been going there. After they have their breakfast, Mehmet leaves them at museum’s door, and three to four hours later he picks them up.
The museum is a stand alone building at the very heart of Ann Arbor. Completely devoted to children, It won awards for best Local Museum and Best Place for Kids under 12; has more than 250 interactive exhibits with subjects ranging from physics to health to nature to mathematics and beyond. The museum is constructed in such a fashion so it can provide an informal environment for children to roam freely and get their “Hands On” everything. Among many exhibits are: whisper dishes, tornado, Building in a Building exhibit. Facts about the human body, full-size ambulance, X-rays, a preschool area for children 4 years old and younger where Kaan can splash in water tables, dress up like fire fighter and play on the child-size fire engine. There is a section about experiment with simple machines, how traffic lights and the Internet work. There is a section about light and optics by playing the stringless Laser Harp or catching your shadow on the wall. The science of television, telecommunications and the concepts behind cutting edge technology. I can easily see why Kaan gets so exited.
.
I guess Kaan is learning much more here than he would learn at pre-school. Of course mom is trying to keep up with him running from experiment to experiment, the energy level of a three year old and a 70 year old don’t match and she is exhausted after three hours like any adult would. Good thing that we live in a hotel where everything is done for us, so that mom can focus on taking care of Kaan, Mehmet can focus on his work, and I can focus on my work.
September Wednesday 29, 2006
I go through morning routine: Shower, breakfast, speech exercises and then off to school. Today Kaan, Mehmet and Mom will go the “Hands on” science museum for Kids. Mehmet has found out about this Museum on line. He decided to get a family membership, which costs about $ 65, for an entire year’s access to science Museums across the USA. It seems like a great deal.
I, on the other hand, will go to school and learn how to speak again. I am so ready for this. In fact I am enjoying this Back to School thing, without having any responsibility. I don’t have to be a wife, a mom, a homemaker anymore; my only responsibility is to learn to speak intelligibly.
Today’s exercises include the sounds “sh” and “ch” and “j”
Exercises
“ch” with increasing syllable count
Check, Chair, Choose, Cheese, Change, Choke, Cheap, Char, Chance, Chop, Choice, Chill, Chew, Cheek
Cheerful, Chaplain, Chuckle, Charter, Children,Chubby, Churning, Cherry, Chicken, Charming, China, Charcoal, Chimney, Chapter, Chummy
Champion, Chocolate, Chicory, Chancellor, Chiseller, Chatterbox, Chastisement, Chargeable, Challenging, Childishness, Chariot, Channelling, charity, Changeable, Chunkier
“ch” in a sentence:
Chilly days are good for a hot bowl of chili.
Please do not change the channel again!
That chain around your neck looks chunky.
The children fed cheese to the chipmunk.
And so on
“ch” within paragraph.
The children were looking for an adventure as they took their picnic lunch to a nearby orchard. The temperature was warm for March, and many creatures out from their hiding places. Chad was the first to spot a woodchuck stretched out under a birch tree. Gretchen put her sandwich aside to watch a chickadee and gold finch which were perched in a nearby branch of peach tree…
In the afternoon it is my lab time. I’m introduced to several software programs: Parrot and Bungalow among them.*
*I have searched since then, the following softwares are available on the market as of March 09
* Aphasia: React2, Aphasia Tutor 1, Aphasia Tutor 2, Numbers 'N Sounds, Sights 'N Sounds, Synonyms, Antonyms and Homonyms, Freeform, Lexion, Lexilogic, Step by Step, SentenceShaper.
Apraxia: Sword, The Source
Articulation/speech production: React2, Numbers 'N Sounds: Sights 'N Sounds:, lingWAVES TheraVox: Speech pacer, Speech Sounds on Cue, Speech prism
I, on the other hand, will go to school and learn how to speak again. I am so ready for this. In fact I am enjoying this Back to School thing, without having any responsibility. I don’t have to be a wife, a mom, a homemaker anymore; my only responsibility is to learn to speak intelligibly.
Today’s exercises include the sounds “sh” and “ch” and “j”
Exercises
“ch” with increasing syllable count
Check, Chair, Choose, Cheese, Change, Choke, Cheap, Char, Chance, Chop, Choice, Chill, Chew, Cheek
Cheerful, Chaplain, Chuckle, Charter, Children,Chubby, Churning, Cherry, Chicken, Charming, China, Charcoal, Chimney, Chapter, Chummy
Champion, Chocolate, Chicory, Chancellor, Chiseller, Chatterbox, Chastisement, Chargeable, Challenging, Childishness, Chariot, Channelling, charity, Changeable, Chunkier
“ch” in a sentence:
Chilly days are good for a hot bowl of chili.
Please do not change the channel again!
That chain around your neck looks chunky.
The children fed cheese to the chipmunk.
And so on
“ch” within paragraph.
The children were looking for an adventure as they took their picnic lunch to a nearby orchard. The temperature was warm for March, and many creatures out from their hiding places. Chad was the first to spot a woodchuck stretched out under a birch tree. Gretchen put her sandwich aside to watch a chickadee and gold finch which were perched in a nearby branch of peach tree…
In the afternoon it is my lab time. I’m introduced to several software programs: Parrot and Bungalow among them.*
*I have searched since then, the following softwares are available on the market as of March 09
* Aphasia: React2, Aphasia Tutor 1, Aphasia Tutor 2, Numbers 'N Sounds, Sights 'N Sounds, Synonyms, Antonyms and Homonyms, Freeform, Lexion, Lexilogic, Step by Step, SentenceShaper.
Apraxia: Sword, The Source
Articulation/speech production: React2, Numbers 'N Sounds: Sights 'N Sounds:, lingWAVES TheraVox: Speech pacer, Speech Sounds on Cue, Speech prism
Monday, March 2, 2009
some words of wisdom
When you have a stroke several things happen:
1) Of course you had a brush with death. This has a profound effect no matter what. After the brush with death, everything that happens to any survivor happens. The feeling of being grateful for every day; love of life even stronger than before…
2) But there are other states of mind that, I believe, are particular to stroke:
a. Understanding for everyone. Stroke means part of your brain is damaged. According to the damaged area you have lost something that you never ever imagined was possible to lose. Maybe your capacity to understand, or to make sense, or to control yourself. It may be as specific as to being able to recognize faces. Because brain is still a black box to us we don’t know what is inside. For example it is obvious that if a person loses her eyes due to an injury, she cannot see. If a person has hysterectomy she cannot ovulate anymore. So, the innerworkings of human body are very much known, except the brain. It is still mysterious why a person suddenly acts differently. You cannot open the brain and look inside, to figure out the reason why. So we attach some kind of mystical, magical, mysterious explanations to it. We call it character sometimes, or the will power. Except it is nothing more than brain chemistry. Lucky for us, there are more tools available to mental health science than before, like better drugs and fMRI. Long story short, you, as a stroke survivor, suddenly gain valuable insight to the innerworkings of the brain. Because, your experience changes as you recover. And you understand why certain people can or cannot do certain things. In my case, for example, as a result to the damage to temporal lob region, I lost my ability to grasp the concept of Math. Over the course of four weeks I seem to regain it. But I now understand that if a child is genetically not well developed in that brain region, it is going to be harder for him to master math in school. And we would brand him as:”He is a bit stupid, he doesn’t get it” I now have an understanding for the genetic underpinnings of why a person can or cannot exhibit certain behaviors. So I say to my self: It is not intentional, it is what it is.
b. You take nothing too serious. You laugh at yourself. Well, once you forget what to do when you sit down to pee, it is not easy to take yourself too seriously. You notice that people around you can take care of themselves, thank you very much. You were always thinking that without you, the world will come to an end. What you notice is that, without you, the world continues to turn, people around you rise to the occasion and quite often exceed your expectations. You are relieved of the burdens of everyday life, because now other people do it. Yes it might not be the way, how you would do it. But often you are surprised how well their solutions are. You learn to trust other people. You learn how to let go.
c. You grow as a result of the process. Most of the people, including myself, feel too proud to ask for help. This is especially true for United States where doing-it-your-self is very much engrained in people. But when you cannot do the things you need to do, like getting up, or depending on others to utter you words, you have no choice but ask for help. It is a very very humbling experience. Swallowing your pride, letting go of your ego is an outcome of this process. The earlier you can do it, the better. We all like to give people around us, but it is not easy to be on the receiving end. You feel weak, sometimes even humiliated. But again, it is all in your head, how we attach meaning to behavior and words is up to us. In the end you understand that it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, in fact, you become humbler and wiser.
1) Of course you had a brush with death. This has a profound effect no matter what. After the brush with death, everything that happens to any survivor happens. The feeling of being grateful for every day; love of life even stronger than before…
2) But there are other states of mind that, I believe, are particular to stroke:
a. Understanding for everyone. Stroke means part of your brain is damaged. According to the damaged area you have lost something that you never ever imagined was possible to lose. Maybe your capacity to understand, or to make sense, or to control yourself. It may be as specific as to being able to recognize faces. Because brain is still a black box to us we don’t know what is inside. For example it is obvious that if a person loses her eyes due to an injury, she cannot see. If a person has hysterectomy she cannot ovulate anymore. So, the innerworkings of human body are very much known, except the brain. It is still mysterious why a person suddenly acts differently. You cannot open the brain and look inside, to figure out the reason why. So we attach some kind of mystical, magical, mysterious explanations to it. We call it character sometimes, or the will power. Except it is nothing more than brain chemistry. Lucky for us, there are more tools available to mental health science than before, like better drugs and fMRI. Long story short, you, as a stroke survivor, suddenly gain valuable insight to the innerworkings of the brain. Because, your experience changes as you recover. And you understand why certain people can or cannot do certain things. In my case, for example, as a result to the damage to temporal lob region, I lost my ability to grasp the concept of Math. Over the course of four weeks I seem to regain it. But I now understand that if a child is genetically not well developed in that brain region, it is going to be harder for him to master math in school. And we would brand him as:”He is a bit stupid, he doesn’t get it” I now have an understanding for the genetic underpinnings of why a person can or cannot exhibit certain behaviors. So I say to my self: It is not intentional, it is what it is.
b. You take nothing too serious. You laugh at yourself. Well, once you forget what to do when you sit down to pee, it is not easy to take yourself too seriously. You notice that people around you can take care of themselves, thank you very much. You were always thinking that without you, the world will come to an end. What you notice is that, without you, the world continues to turn, people around you rise to the occasion and quite often exceed your expectations. You are relieved of the burdens of everyday life, because now other people do it. Yes it might not be the way, how you would do it. But often you are surprised how well their solutions are. You learn to trust other people. You learn how to let go.
c. You grow as a result of the process. Most of the people, including myself, feel too proud to ask for help. This is especially true for United States where doing-it-your-self is very much engrained in people. But when you cannot do the things you need to do, like getting up, or depending on others to utter you words, you have no choice but ask for help. It is a very very humbling experience. Swallowing your pride, letting go of your ego is an outcome of this process. The earlier you can do it, the better. We all like to give people around us, but it is not easy to be on the receiving end. You feel weak, sometimes even humiliated. But again, it is all in your head, how we attach meaning to behavior and words is up to us. In the end you understand that it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, in fact, you become humbler and wiser.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
September Tuesday 28, 2006
I wake up early in the morning, shower, dress up, and leave the room without waking anybody. Then I go to the breakfast area to see what is cooking. Wonderful: bake-it-yourself waffles, sausages, eggs, potatoes, oatmeal, yogurt, you name it, it is there, even cooked rice and miso soup! After I finish my meal, I try to find a corner to practice my speech. The dining area is too full and loud; outside it is too cold; finally I go to the gym area which is totally empty. I pull the big binder out and repeat some one syllable words. Until I notice that it is 8:30 and the bus will be leaving. It is a mini-bus for maybe 15 people, but there is only two other people waiting: Mike and his wife Rose. Mike is the aphasia patient, he is 49 years old, his wife will be staying with him for only one month, then he will be on his own. Mike’s situation is a bit more severe than me. He has trouble finding words, but as far as I can see has no trouble pronouncing them. He also has some weakness on his right side, as I understand from the stretching movements he does from time to time. Apart from that there is no indication that he is handicapped in any way. Rose is quite talkative, she talks for the 30 min trip long, from this and that…
At the center, Debbie gives us our weekly schedules. According to my schedule I have: Marie, Ann and X for my one on one therapies, Suzanne for my group therapy, Lynn for Music therapy and computer lab for that week.
The next session I have is group therapy. On the schedule is also indicated where the session is going to take place. So I go to room 202. In room 202 I find one other person: Ruth. The wonderful Ruth! To me it doesn’t seem like she is suffering from anything really. She is perfectly talkative, has all the limbs going for her, in fact, at 84 she looks-and acts- more energetic than me. I see that she has a hearing aid, and therefore cannot hear people well. When Susanne comes and we go deeper into discussion, I understand. Ruth suffers from a damage to the Wernicke’s area to the brain.
According to Wikipedia: “Wernicke's area is located in the left hemisphere, as the left hemisphere is specialized for language skills. Occlusion of the middle cerebral artery in a stroke can affect the proper functioning of this area. Damage to this area could cause a type of aphasia that is now called Wernicke's aphasia or receptive aphasia. This condition results in a major impairment of language comprehension, and in speech that has a natural-sounding rhythm and a relatively normal syntax but is largely meaningless (a condition sometimes called fluent or jargon aphasia). It also has connections to the primary auditory cortex, evidence for its role in the comprehension of the spoken words.”
Therefore Ruth has hard times attaching meaning to my speech, or anybody’s speech for that reason. Furthermore, when she speaks she substitutes random words in an inconsistent fashion. And because she doesn’t understand what she hears (part to the brain damage, part to loss of hearing), she is in a double whammy. But Ruth is the funniest person ever. She has a great sense of humor. For example she means to say: “It is raining cats and dogs this morning!” Instead she says: “It is raining great potatoes this morning!” When we tell her what she just said (in fact write it down for her) she laughs out loud, very amused. After just one session with her we understand that we are going to become best friends, something like the Marx Brothers. Me excellent in understanding but very lousy in speaking, Ruth excellent in speaking but lousy understanding: Deaf leading the blind.
At the center, Debbie gives us our weekly schedules. According to my schedule I have: Marie, Ann and X for my one on one therapies, Suzanne for my group therapy, Lynn for Music therapy and computer lab for that week.
The next session I have is group therapy. On the schedule is also indicated where the session is going to take place. So I go to room 202. In room 202 I find one other person: Ruth. The wonderful Ruth! To me it doesn’t seem like she is suffering from anything really. She is perfectly talkative, has all the limbs going for her, in fact, at 84 she looks-and acts- more energetic than me. I see that she has a hearing aid, and therefore cannot hear people well. When Susanne comes and we go deeper into discussion, I understand. Ruth suffers from a damage to the Wernicke’s area to the brain.
According to Wikipedia: “Wernicke's area is located in the left hemisphere, as the left hemisphere is specialized for language skills. Occlusion of the middle cerebral artery in a stroke can affect the proper functioning of this area. Damage to this area could cause a type of aphasia that is now called Wernicke's aphasia or receptive aphasia. This condition results in a major impairment of language comprehension, and in speech that has a natural-sounding rhythm and a relatively normal syntax but is largely meaningless (a condition sometimes called fluent or jargon aphasia). It also has connections to the primary auditory cortex, evidence for its role in the comprehension of the spoken words.”
Therefore Ruth has hard times attaching meaning to my speech, or anybody’s speech for that reason. Furthermore, when she speaks she substitutes random words in an inconsistent fashion. And because she doesn’t understand what she hears (part to the brain damage, part to loss of hearing), she is in a double whammy. But Ruth is the funniest person ever. She has a great sense of humor. For example she means to say: “It is raining cats and dogs this morning!” Instead she says: “It is raining great potatoes this morning!” When we tell her what she just said (in fact write it down for her) she laughs out loud, very amused. After just one session with her we understand that we are going to become best friends, something like the Marx Brothers. Me excellent in understanding but very lousy in speaking, Ruth excellent in speaking but lousy understanding: Deaf leading the blind.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
We are heading off to Michigan
The 26th of September has come, and we are heading off to Michigan, Ann Arbor. Mehmet has made all the arrangements in advance; the University of Michigan Aphasia Program, place reserved, advance paid, check; hotel reserved, check; his remote work permission from the office, check; things to do with Kaan while I am of in rehab, check; things to for my mom while I am of in rehab, check. My husband is so thoughtful; he doesn’t forget any single detail.
So on that morning, we load our compact car as much as possible, give the key for watering the plants to friends, and take off. It is an eight hour drive. Of course we have a three year old in the car; we need to take it easy. But the drive is uneventful, which is good. Kaan is not yet in the habit of asking the dreaded question “Are we there yet?”. Perhaps that starts later it life. He is happy as a lark. We have informed the preschool that he is taking off for 6 weeks. This is a vacation, an adventure for him. Every two hours we are at a rest stop, he is allowed to eat junk food.
At seven or eight in the evening we arrive at our hotel: Residence Inn by Marriott Ann Arbor.
The letter from the manager says:
“Dear Mr. Kayaalp:
Thank you for your interest in our hotel to accommodate you and your family while attending Session G of the University of Michigan Aphasia Program. I have attached the brochure we have created specifically for the Program that provides a general overview of our hotel with diagrams of our 4 different room types. I have also included our September evening social calendar.
We also have pictures of our hotel at our website: www.residenceinnannarbor.com
Please let me know what questions you may have. The Residence Inn by Marriott is one of Marriott's extended stay brands that specifically caters to guest who are away from home for 5 or more nights. I know you and your family would be very comfortable with us.
Warm Regards”
Mehmet informs us that it is an extended stay; so we will have a “penthouse suit”, with our own kitchen and everything. Mom is going to sleep on the second floor. Kaan is going to sleep with us. Mehmet has bought him an airbed online, just his size, very cute, with an polar sheet that has moon and stars on it.
At the lobby, we are informed that there is a meeting at the dining room going on, all University of Michigan Aphasia program students like me, if I like, I can join them. I have a quick peek from the door.
I see them and it hits me like slap in the face: Those are men over fifty, with white hair, in wheel chairs, cannot speak at all… It reminds me of the nursing homes we see on TV, of end of life.
My first feeling is rejection. I reject that I have anything in common with. They are crippled. I am not.
The truth is, up until then, I was quite upbeat, I didn’t see myself as disabled at all. In my mind, I was as intact, as I used to be before the stroke. All my loved ones also treated me like nothing was the matter. My condition, if you call it a condition, was only temporary. I was going to be my own self back within a year.
Looking at the patients in the dining room places a mirror in front of me. If I am in the same category with them, I am one of them. I am “disabled”. It means I have to come to terms with it, accept the new me and learn to deal with it. Still, my predominant feeling is denial. I don’t join them, instead, I go tell my family to go to our room.
The room is really cozy. Two levels, so that my mom can have a little privacy, and Kaan has different nooks and crannies to hide, run up and down the stairs. Even the fireplace is real, you can burn real wood in there. After we settle down, Mehmet goes to find a grocery store to fill the fridge. We are going to eat dinner in our room, to reduce at least the food bill. This trip, $30 000 including hotel and therapy, is going to be the most expensive “vacation” of our lifetime. Just thinking about it, you don’t spend so much if you take a trip around the world with your whole family, or some exotic vacation for weeks… This is surreal. But we are here, and we decide to make the best of our time while we are here.
The weather is warm, although it is the end of September, the autumn chill hasn’t yet descended upon Ann Arbor. None of us has ever been in Ann Arbor. Between 1997 and 2001 I have been a lot to Michigan on business, commuting from Pittsburg on plain, at least three days a week, every week; but I have always been to Grand Rapids MI, and visiting stores around the region on business, still never to Ann Arbor. From experience I know that Michigan is flat land, that there is a lot of Dutch and Scandinavian ancestry among the inhabitants, but beyond that it is hard for me to see it with a tourist’s spectacles. I am pretty determined that I will stay at the hotel, go to school (rehab), come back, work on my homework pretty hard, and repeat this every day. I am pretty motivated. It doesn’t even occur to me that it can be any other way, the work ethic in me, which tells me ‘work is work’ and ‘life is life’ and both of them don’t mix, is rather strong.
Besides the program looks so intensive I doubt that I will have any breathing room at all. So, our little adventure begins.
September Monday 27, 2006
We drive to 1111 East Catherine Street. The center is in a small brick building, to my surprise, right down in the basement. It doesn’t seem to be like I imagined, especially because it is a University Hospital and all. You know, in movies, when the lead character is somehow injured, they bring her to this super scientific facility, with white coats running around, lots of labs, something to give the visual impression of a sci-fi atmosphere, ok, at least some brushed steel, gray and white in the background. Well it is nothing like that. After climbing down two flights of stairs of the brick building we come to the reception area. Lisa and Debbie greet us with very warm smiles. While Mehmet is off to see the treasurer (about how we will pay the bill) I am introduced to Marie Evans, my lead counselor. She takes my discharge papers, that Sandy has written, yet, she puts me again through assessment:
Understanding the oral word, the written word, describing what I see, and yes there is the Boston Diagnostic Cookie picture again, finding words, pronunciation etc. Then I see a battery of therapists one by one, who also assess me on different abilities. Marie finishes up with getting me on video as well as on audio tape.
The committee of speech therapists will meet up later to discuss what kind of therapy I will need, and give me my schedule in the coming days. For every client UMAP handles, (and we are called clients, not patients), they are trying to customize the program as much as possible. Most of the therapists have a specialty, and they try to maximize the match between clients and therapists.
The committee meets, the verdict is as follows:
“Mrs Turhan’s speech was characterized by the inconsistent phonemic substitutions and deletions that are typical of verbal apraxia, as well as the distortions that are more typical of dysarthria. Verbal apraxia is difficulty sequencing, or organizing, speech sounds into meaningful words. It is also characterized by difficulty initiating or starting speech independently. Dysarthria is neuromuscular weakness resulting from stroke or degenerative disease that, among other things, results in imprecise, less intellible speech. Mrs Turhan spoke with adequate volume but decreased speed. She had difficulty with “ch”,”sh”,”j” s blends, “l” and “r” colored vowels, “f”,”v”,”kw” or “qu”, “ing” and the sequencing of back to front consonants. The following substitutions were noted: r/l, s/sh, sh/ch, ink/ing, t/d. Mrs Turhan syllabilified words easily and independently. Was often able to self correct, and did self monitor her speech part of the time. She had pretty good sound/symbol associations, which she also used for spelling. Some of the vowel and consonant associations were probably due to the fact that English is a second language for her.
On the Apraxia Battery for Adults-Second edition (ABA-2), Mrs Turhan’s scores on the increasing word length, repeated trials and Polysyllabic Words subtests indicated mild to moderate apraxia. There was no evidence of limb apraxia. The three intelligibility subtests of the Frenchray Assesment of Dysathria were also administered. Mrs. Turhan scored 30% intelligible on the words, repetition subtests. 60% intelligible on the Sentences/Description subtests and 45% - 50% intelligible on a sentence-sentence basis in conversational speech. These scores indicate a moderate to severe dysathria.” (see attached)
Apart from the above, the conclusion was that I was able to express what I think either verbally or gesturing or pointing etc; that I was able to understand what I read or hear and finally that I was able to write what I thought.
For somebody who was earning her living via persuading others, saying “vael”, while pointing to water, if I wanted some refreshment doesn’t seem like much to you. You see, I was an MBA, in Brand Management for a Fortune 100 company, before I got pregnant. But to a stroke survivor, being able to bring 2 and 2 together, i.e. the concept water and utter the word “water” or something similar to that is great achievement.
At lunch, all of the students meet at the lunch room with their caregivers, we order lunch from an outside company. Later I decide to bring lunch from home.
So on that morning, we load our compact car as much as possible, give the key for watering the plants to friends, and take off. It is an eight hour drive. Of course we have a three year old in the car; we need to take it easy. But the drive is uneventful, which is good. Kaan is not yet in the habit of asking the dreaded question “Are we there yet?”. Perhaps that starts later it life. He is happy as a lark. We have informed the preschool that he is taking off for 6 weeks. This is a vacation, an adventure for him. Every two hours we are at a rest stop, he is allowed to eat junk food.
At seven or eight in the evening we arrive at our hotel: Residence Inn by Marriott Ann Arbor.
The letter from the manager says:
“Dear Mr. Kayaalp:
Thank you for your interest in our hotel to accommodate you and your family while attending Session G of the University of Michigan Aphasia Program. I have attached the brochure we have created specifically for the Program that provides a general overview of our hotel with diagrams of our 4 different room types. I have also included our September evening social calendar.
We also have pictures of our hotel at our website: www.residenceinnannarbor.com
Please let me know what questions you may have. The Residence Inn by Marriott is one of Marriott's extended stay brands that specifically caters to guest who are away from home for 5 or more nights. I know you and your family would be very comfortable with us.
Warm Regards”
Mehmet informs us that it is an extended stay; so we will have a “penthouse suit”, with our own kitchen and everything. Mom is going to sleep on the second floor. Kaan is going to sleep with us. Mehmet has bought him an airbed online, just his size, very cute, with an polar sheet that has moon and stars on it.
At the lobby, we are informed that there is a meeting at the dining room going on, all University of Michigan Aphasia program students like me, if I like, I can join them. I have a quick peek from the door.
I see them and it hits me like slap in the face: Those are men over fifty, with white hair, in wheel chairs, cannot speak at all… It reminds me of the nursing homes we see on TV, of end of life.
My first feeling is rejection. I reject that I have anything in common with. They are crippled. I am not.
The truth is, up until then, I was quite upbeat, I didn’t see myself as disabled at all. In my mind, I was as intact, as I used to be before the stroke. All my loved ones also treated me like nothing was the matter. My condition, if you call it a condition, was only temporary. I was going to be my own self back within a year.
Looking at the patients in the dining room places a mirror in front of me. If I am in the same category with them, I am one of them. I am “disabled”. It means I have to come to terms with it, accept the new me and learn to deal with it. Still, my predominant feeling is denial. I don’t join them, instead, I go tell my family to go to our room.
The room is really cozy. Two levels, so that my mom can have a little privacy, and Kaan has different nooks and crannies to hide, run up and down the stairs. Even the fireplace is real, you can burn real wood in there. After we settle down, Mehmet goes to find a grocery store to fill the fridge. We are going to eat dinner in our room, to reduce at least the food bill. This trip, $30 000 including hotel and therapy, is going to be the most expensive “vacation” of our lifetime. Just thinking about it, you don’t spend so much if you take a trip around the world with your whole family, or some exotic vacation for weeks… This is surreal. But we are here, and we decide to make the best of our time while we are here.
The weather is warm, although it is the end of September, the autumn chill hasn’t yet descended upon Ann Arbor. None of us has ever been in Ann Arbor. Between 1997 and 2001 I have been a lot to Michigan on business, commuting from Pittsburg on plain, at least three days a week, every week; but I have always been to Grand Rapids MI, and visiting stores around the region on business, still never to Ann Arbor. From experience I know that Michigan is flat land, that there is a lot of Dutch and Scandinavian ancestry among the inhabitants, but beyond that it is hard for me to see it with a tourist’s spectacles. I am pretty determined that I will stay at the hotel, go to school (rehab), come back, work on my homework pretty hard, and repeat this every day. I am pretty motivated. It doesn’t even occur to me that it can be any other way, the work ethic in me, which tells me ‘work is work’ and ‘life is life’ and both of them don’t mix, is rather strong.
Besides the program looks so intensive I doubt that I will have any breathing room at all. So, our little adventure begins.
September Monday 27, 2006
We drive to 1111 East Catherine Street. The center is in a small brick building, to my surprise, right down in the basement. It doesn’t seem to be like I imagined, especially because it is a University Hospital and all. You know, in movies, when the lead character is somehow injured, they bring her to this super scientific facility, with white coats running around, lots of labs, something to give the visual impression of a sci-fi atmosphere, ok, at least some brushed steel, gray and white in the background. Well it is nothing like that. After climbing down two flights of stairs of the brick building we come to the reception area. Lisa and Debbie greet us with very warm smiles. While Mehmet is off to see the treasurer (about how we will pay the bill) I am introduced to Marie Evans, my lead counselor. She takes my discharge papers, that Sandy has written, yet, she puts me again through assessment:
Understanding the oral word, the written word, describing what I see, and yes there is the Boston Diagnostic Cookie picture again, finding words, pronunciation etc. Then I see a battery of therapists one by one, who also assess me on different abilities. Marie finishes up with getting me on video as well as on audio tape.
The committee of speech therapists will meet up later to discuss what kind of therapy I will need, and give me my schedule in the coming days. For every client UMAP handles, (and we are called clients, not patients), they are trying to customize the program as much as possible. Most of the therapists have a specialty, and they try to maximize the match between clients and therapists.
The committee meets, the verdict is as follows:
“Mrs Turhan’s speech was characterized by the inconsistent phonemic substitutions and deletions that are typical of verbal apraxia, as well as the distortions that are more typical of dysarthria. Verbal apraxia is difficulty sequencing, or organizing, speech sounds into meaningful words. It is also characterized by difficulty initiating or starting speech independently. Dysarthria is neuromuscular weakness resulting from stroke or degenerative disease that, among other things, results in imprecise, less intellible speech. Mrs Turhan spoke with adequate volume but decreased speed. She had difficulty with “ch”,”sh”,”j” s blends, “l” and “r” colored vowels, “f”,”v”,”kw” or “qu”, “ing” and the sequencing of back to front consonants. The following substitutions were noted: r/l, s/sh, sh/ch, ink/ing, t/d. Mrs Turhan syllabilified words easily and independently. Was often able to self correct, and did self monitor her speech part of the time. She had pretty good sound/symbol associations, which she also used for spelling. Some of the vowel and consonant associations were probably due to the fact that English is a second language for her.
On the Apraxia Battery for Adults-Second edition (ABA-2), Mrs Turhan’s scores on the increasing word length, repeated trials and Polysyllabic Words subtests indicated mild to moderate apraxia. There was no evidence of limb apraxia. The three intelligibility subtests of the Frenchray Assesment of Dysathria were also administered. Mrs. Turhan scored 30% intelligible on the words, repetition subtests. 60% intelligible on the Sentences/Description subtests and 45% - 50% intelligible on a sentence-sentence basis in conversational speech. These scores indicate a moderate to severe dysathria.” (see attached)
Apart from the above, the conclusion was that I was able to express what I think either verbally or gesturing or pointing etc; that I was able to understand what I read or hear and finally that I was able to write what I thought.
For somebody who was earning her living via persuading others, saying “vael”, while pointing to water, if I wanted some refreshment doesn’t seem like much to you. You see, I was an MBA, in Brand Management for a Fortune 100 company, before I got pregnant. But to a stroke survivor, being able to bring 2 and 2 together, i.e. the concept water and utter the word “water” or something similar to that is great achievement.
At lunch, all of the students meet at the lunch room with their caregivers, we order lunch from an outside company. Later I decide to bring lunch from home.
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